CHAPTER SIX: "GOD PLEASE OPEN AND CLOSE THE DOORS ACCORDINGLY"
I pulled up to the doctor’s office and I was ready!
So far, I was having a really good day.
When I woke up I began to pray.
I remember specifically saying to God, “If there are any doors in my life right now that should be closed, please close them”.
I also remember saying to God, “if there are any doors in my life that need to be opened, please open them”.
Whew, God listens becauseeee……….
When I got to the doctor’s office I was seen immediately.
I was scheduled to meet with the nutritionist, the psychologist and the surgeon (Dr. Brown). I remember speaking with the surgeon and he told me that my insurance wasn’t as strict as some of the other insurances that he has worked with.
My particular insurance only requested that I have the evaluations done and then I can schedule a surgery date.
There are some insurances that will require you to have the evaluations done and request that you wait at least 6 months before you receive an actual surgery date.
I was sitting with the nutritionist and she was rubbing me the wrong way. I felt that she was being biased and her energy was very negative.
She turned me off so badly, I remember thinking “shut up and just sign my paper so I can get this clearance”.
After I left the nutritionist, I met with one of the NJBC staff members. She informed me that she wanted to go over my chart.
In the middle of her going over my chart, she says, “I want to let you know as of Dec 2, Dr. Brown is no longer going to be taking your insurance”.
My response: “Come Again”.
She proceeded to repeat herself and while she was speaking, it legit felt like the room was spinning.
I’m pretty sure I was having an outer body experience.
“I am sorry but I regret to inform you that Dr. Brown is no longer accepting your insurance after Dec 2”.
She then proceeds to ask if I wanted to schedule my surgery with Dr. Brown before he no longer takes my insurance.
I think...actually… I know…..I LOST IT!!!!
How in the world did this happen?
Here I was AGAIN!
Feeling so close, but yet so far.
I lost it because I had been seeing Dr. Brown for over a month.
At what point did he “decide” he was no longer taking my insurance?
To make matters worse, this all transpired on Nov 20, 2018, and NJBC REALLY wanted me to try and schedule my surgery within 12 days??!!!
Oh yall got me Fu ***
WHOOPS OKAY LET’S STAY ON TRACK. (SORRY GOT EXCITED)
YOU CATCH MY DRIFT.
That was absolutely impossible FOR ME. I wanted to take this process slow and not be rushed. I also wanted to take off 1 month from work so that I could have a healthy and holistic healing process.
I wanted to become more intune with my body - during the recovery period.
ALSO - during the first 2-3 weeks AFTER surgery, you are required to be on a STRICT liquid diet.
There was NO WAY I was returning to work on a liquid diet. I didn't know what kind of mental state I would be in.
I didn't know if I would be hungry-hangry.
I didn’t wanna lose my job for going upside someone's head because my emotions could possibly be all over the place.
Listen. I had a plan on what the best recovery for Chyna would look like. And God sealed the final approval on what that plan would look like FOR ME.
Let me paint this picture. During this time I am in Graduate School full time and about to take finals.
I work full time AND part time. I didn’t want to be in “recovery” during the holiday season, etc.
AND then you want me to try and hurry to get on the doctors schedule before the insurance cut off date?
You know what’s crazy?
My mind works SO FAST, that for a second I put myself on the back burner and I was literally trying to figure out HOW I could make this happen all in 12 days.
I told the lady I needed a second BECAUSE…….. YEAH!
To make matters worse, I had to hurry up and see the Psychologist because she was on a time schedule.
OH, JUST GREAT!!! YOU DROP SOME BAD NEWS ON ME AND THEN I HAVE TO MEET WITH A PSYCHOLOGIST TO CLEAR ME FOR SURGERY?!
YEAH, GO FIGURE LOL.
When I sat down with the Psychologist, my eyes were bloodshot red.
My energy was off.
I think my fist might have still been balled up too LOL
She probably heard me “GOING OFF” in the next room PRIOR to meeting with me. .
I immediately told her what happened.
In the midst of me telling her what happened, I began to SOB.
That cry came from a very deep place.
It was an exhausting, deep emotional Kim Kardashian lip quivering, snot running from my nose SOB.
I just knew she was going to deny me. I didn’t have anything left in me but tears.
This had been an emotional roller coaster for the last year and NOW I’m being told I 1) have to schedule the surgery within 12 days OR 2) basically - start over.
I spoke with the Psychologist (who was SO AMAZING BTW).
We spoke for about 25 minutes, but 5 minutes into the conversation, she told me that I would be cleared. She also told me to continue to fight, so indeed I did!
In the middle of me trying to attempt to see if this could possibly work (SCHEDULING A LIFE CHANGING SURGERY IN 12 CALENDAR DAYS), I remembered what happened this morning.
“God if there is any door in my life that needs to be opened, please open it. If there is any door in my life that needs to be closed, please close it”.
All then everything stopped for me at that moment.